


occupy my mind (and my space)

by OkProblematic



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-23
Updated: 2018-09-23
Packaged: 2019-07-15 19:33:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,128
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16069835
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OkProblematic/pseuds/OkProblematic
Summary: i don’t know where to stand if it’s not next to youor, harry and louis are so far apart but sometimes, things just work out





	occupy my mind (and my space)

**Author's Note:**

> no idea what this is but i needed to get out something again so, this obv isn't edited thanks!

_ i don’t know where to stand if it’s not next to you _

 

Harry is in the corner of the couch trying to make himself seem smaller - he doesn’t know how he used to fit so well in louis. He hasn’t grown in months.

 

Louis looks at him tells him, “you’re such a baby,” and its a joke, it is, just his smile is strained and harry pretends to to hear him. He hasn’t heard louis in months. He hasn’t done anything in months.

 

Every single day, harry goes through the motions and pretends everything is okay even though every thought in his head is a fragment and everything else is a piece of louis. He doesn’t know when this happened. 

 

He does actually, he just doesn’t like to think about it - doesn’t like to think about louis telling him - leaving him - that it’ll be okay one day. He realizes though, that louis is probably waiting for a response from him because he knows that louis knows he heard him so he says in all of his seriousness, “i don’t know where to be if it’s not next to you”

 

And louis is silent. Harry keeps trying to make himself smaller.

 

He should just leave but he doesn’t because he wants to hear what louis has to say - wants to hear him apologize for being so mature or being the bigger person, for following his heart, for so damn _ great _ . 

 

Harry knows lousi well enough to know that he blinking slowing, trying to process what harry has said - they haven't spoken in a long time - not really. Not about anything important. 

 

Louis’ words make him jump, “you’ll always have a spot next to me?” its a question. Harry _knows_ in his heart that louis is asking if he wants that spot and harry - well he _doesn’t_. He doesn’t want that spot.

 

“I want the one on the other side-” _the one I used to have_ \- and before harry can really do anything, before he can even think louis is making a small noise in the back of his throat. He knows what harry is asking, what he wants.

 

The worst part is, harry thinks, is that louis has _always_ known what happy wanted, what he needed and it used to be easy before he knew that if he was a part of it, harry wanted it. He knew everything about harry, knew his next move and his next thought and he let harry od the same for him until he threw it all away. Until he gave it all up. 

 

“Harry - “

 

He’s moving, finally turning to look at where louis has leaned forward on the chair, one hand in the air as if to reach up because he knows - he still knows harry’s body. His breath is caught because even now, even when his heart is aching, pulling in his chest and even now, when his body feels wrong because he doesn’t know where to put it - doesn’t know what to do with this huge body he’s grown into because louis isn’t there to tell him - 

 

“No,” Harry swallows, starts to sit up, “no, you know this. You’ve known this. Don’t act hurt now because i finally said it out loud. Don’t act like you don’t know me anymore. Its you who changed - you who pushed me away. You did this and now you don’t get to hurt like that. I got to avoid me and pretend it wasn’t happening,” his thought are spilling and his eyes are filling but he can’t stop, won’t stop until louis gets it.

 

“But it was happening, you knew that you were pushing me away and, and you don’t get to act like it was for the best because i’ve been nothing but miserable while you just got to live your life and what kind of shit is that louis” tell me, what kind of shit is that? Why did you push me away - all i’ve, all i’ve ever wanted was -”  

 

He’s breathing heavy, voice quieting on the last words because louis already knows they’re coming, “my teeth on your neck.” 

 

Louis tries to make another sounds but doesn’t say anything this time. The silence between them is pregnant, feeling like its’ dragging on, both just looking at it and louis wants to think that it’ll snap and harry will move towards him but harry hasn't moving in his direction in a long, long time. 

 

Louis speaks first, voice quiet and tired, “then get in my space - don’t - dont’ let me push you away. i want to try again.” a long pause, louis swallows, “i’m always looking for you - when you’re not around, i find that my space is empty and i’m always reaching out jsut a little bit but you’re not there anymore and you’re right” he looks away from harry, “ it’s my fault - I got scared and I didnt’ want to hurt you but I did that anyways. Please jsut get in my space and don’t let me kick you out of it. 

 

“I don’t want to keep finding air anymore. I miss you. Occupy the same space as me and we can work on things. I feel empty when you’re not around.”

 

Harry snort at him, somehow finding this whole thing too funny as louis looks at him with wide eyes. They’re not the same eyes from all those years ago on an eighteen year old boy who was too loud and was manhandling a sixteen year old harry into corners and into one space. It’s not funny but harry is laughing now, but he’s not smiling. 

 

“I don’t - I don’t trust you. I don’t know that this won’t happen again but I’m not going to fight you this time - it you push me away I’l leave, Louis, but I want to be in your space so - so i’m will try to try again. But - im not going to give you everything you had before because I dont want to get hurt.” 

 

Louis is already standing and moving only to pause when he’s in front of harry. He grabs the younger boys cheeks and he stops, not knowing if he’s allowed this anymore. But his body is pushing him, recognizing harry’s and it’s almost primal. He drops his hands, not wanting to push too far and instead finds himself wrangling around harry, body remembering all of the places his smaller frame fits around harry’s too large one. 

 

Harry’s cheeks are wet now, but he lets lois manhandle him until they’re sitting together on the couch, just close enough to occupy each others space and harry cant stop thinking about louis and how tired he looks, but mostly, he’s thinking about how, in this moment, he knows where to put himself.   

**Author's Note:**

> so i needed to just write something, i think, to get it out of my system so this very obv hasn't been edited and will probably be removed shortly but its something.


End file.
